***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
