I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize