Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
operation have a gay friend backfired
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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