Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
