On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
