for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
