Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
