he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
