i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
