so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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