I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
