He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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