i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
