Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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