dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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