U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize