happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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