so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
