Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
