Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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