Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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