Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
