Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
