man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
