I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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