i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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