So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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