My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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