And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
