You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
