I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
