3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
