Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
