We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
