saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
