My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
