So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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