wakey wakey hands off snakey
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
