I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
