i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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