just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
