nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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