Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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