Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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