God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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