there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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