The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
