She is in my trunk
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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