my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My feet surprised me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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