I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
