Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
