I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
