Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's the barista slut.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
