New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
