My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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