This is not my ceiling
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
