hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
