Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
