Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
