he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
