sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
