I'm eating all of the evidence.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
