Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
