smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
