I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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