And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
