worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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