i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
