I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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