i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
