i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
