ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
