I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
