my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
